24 June 2011

a step over
sweet dreams

last night was crazy hazy drunken foolishness sided with stupidity    unfortunately

it was my stupidity     you see   too boring a story to tell   all in all and it’s just as well because feelings  got hurt/lessons  got learned and it was merely proof of proof but i

i was sad drunk at that greek place that used to be near the other thing trying to keep my friend from passing out in her saganacki breakfast   one booth over  the king and queen of indie rock sit with a lonely friend and this odd girl  who is very smart but impatient and sometimes voracious   all too typical but insists on shaking   hands hello and goodbye with a firmness and formality that   turns to respect   it's a step over   when she used to   just as amusing  i don't know the first thing about the picasso   was it yours   you told me  all sorts of things  i'm thinking about  maybe toronto

alfred   weekend    last time  last one   the work impressed  the details   confessed kind  makes you look  hard   eyes hurt   transfixed to the black shirts and you see things that aren't there  you see things in hard air      felt   across the room priceless                            i hope your merlot brings sweet dreams    and    lady day    i hope she gets clean  the easter sickness felt mean   in your living situation

lumbar puncture    spinal tap to you and me    didn't still sleep the concrete evidence   track meet  resulting in undue heat     despite knowing   an appointment was necessary   for better results better than half a chance the test will be wrong   better than half   what kind of wrong   should  i sing along     are my sins  that       tall    

‘no   you didn't tell me that’

well, that's the way it goes   that’s  most of what we know and there is more than half a chance that we’re wrong but we told you that    all along    there could be a negative test  for  her   for this    and you still have it   and besides we were going to go ahead   no matter what the tap says     we must  whethepeople                                  he replied    says i

                   and continue

  yes and no    i want to see the test to know what we’re dealing with even though there’s half again a chance that we still won’t know what it is  after this   i apologize   for not being there and due concern for the way you stare  in                                   utter seriousness      which seems like despair   schedule a time  four days in a row starting on a monday at eight   a    m

         my eyesight will return to normal  allegedly  and will stay that way for a minimum of six weeks  supposedly    but then who knows    contradictorily         maybe forever   but highly unlikely

good gray people is what the  world is coming to
                           almost tired enough to choose   to lose a list of possible side affects over the abundance of heatlthcare checks    saying ‘no’   both before and  after you left  thoughtless  and bible black  i'll try it once and then i'm  going to get a new eye    don’t look surprised    you knew it   right      right

 okay  the heat

yes i've been surviving the nice little breeze of she’s  and it's lovely despite some of the we's  some of the names and some of the sights    ouch  it hurts     right    right    i used to have    my room  the fan   listening to the rain  relaxing with the tip tip tapping with the present  unwrapping  a future determined to remain uncertain   the house on highland  some of my friends working one another over   but later at night the thought that  i might  take the new route home the one you said you know  to be the quick route east   when traffic’s the least i say 'thank you' and 'please'   coming off the medicinal dilation   turning down   offers of drug recreation   often enough to start to feel rude but still not interested in          quaaludes     or bad news     the white boy blues    or  oddly enough    truth

i saw   all your lights    and windows open   nine o’clock start for wishing and hoping   made me keep driving to effort surviving  rude tuesday    rude too    day   early one   late the other

 hearts and flowers      late summer showers     

        one long night of suicidal ideation  and then a photo session    for the paper   with slit brown eyes against a knit black shirt and all of gerale’s lifetime of hurt   masked by     manner   and memory    candor    and comedy   rancor    and remedy

so i was exhausted but tough  and   propped up enough      conceived as a   birthday   four friends  knowing the other  well enough to  be   themselves  undertones  of the great unknown and choices that were made  and shown to be less that what we wanted   see   it was 

the raging amounts  of that social lubricant   count alcohol   brought forth   discussions about right/wrong white people communism r e m   art  earth tones in commerce  candy for rowers  dulak’s politics   appearances  willie horton violins and violence    made from buffalo meat    lentils and scotch michael’s unfailing need to be caught doing pranks on his cell phone and false accusations the through truth in plausible inter relations    barn cats  rabbits  the beatles’ bad habits a snare sound that might make you think that it’s static or attic  stabbing snoring and eno   some piano player who makes  everything  slow his name is satie or was it matisse  and maybe he's the one to set chuck connelly free    with oven-fresh eyes   you and the  like   sedaris and strangers   waiting to strike  spain     odd clinics    rabies vaccines   broken glass bit of dash and copper rings   neighbors   haters    keeping things straight   ann arbor   try harder   it’s getting so late     the type of discussion that   interesting way we go from topic   to topic  to tropic   too late  anna gave me keys so i can     hold the exhibition  pretty far along for  unfamiliar   for breakfast for the other day    for texas    for essjay
                      enjoy the clouds   they bring you beautiful silence  

Chuck Connelly self portrait (1991) 

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