three parts of the past

in fours

i played your guitar today

                               to spite you

bitter cold and blowing snow

     winter   gets things done

the coldest i got 

         refilling the wiper fluid different

   from the sixty two of yesterday

when i didn't even wear a jacket and everything smelled like spring

          all were distracted   thinking of what they want to tell me  

                          myself   included  

today it was cold snowy focus

and my shirt smells like evergreen

my winter coat has a hood and i put it to good use

 even when    i'm wearing a hat

the four songs

1. bryan's song

2. everyone knows

3. the great lake erie

4. if i was wrong

           knight berman jr. says ‘reaction is the completion of creation’

that feels good to say

 what words do you like in your mouth?

i have a friend who loves the word ‘utter’

  she likes the way it feels

                                                   what it means

i lean toward ‘certain’ or ‘telecaster’

and have spent some time defending ‘supple’ against its harsher critics

  my grandmother's 106th birthday

                         my maternal grandmother    callie mae   a slight woman 

  with more strength than a thousand men

          raised four kids and a drunk husband

they smoked      like good people did

                                                         and that's what killed all four      

                                                                                                       of the kids

the eye

the problem with my eye is a bit of a long story

            are you familiar with spencer tunick?

the day   sunday     it was hot outside

                 the sun was bright and big in the sky

we wore the required loose clothing

             milled about in the holding area with fifteen hundred others

waiting to be called  

                          waiting  to be nude

                      waiting

                                 to be art

i looked around for someone that i knew   wondering  if i was hoping to find anyone or not     it is a strange feeling    incomplete  unknowing

the word came     when it was said    i was looking up

      at the building     at the sun peeking     over top of the brilliant facade

i noticed what is usually called   a sunspot   in my right eye  
                                                       you know the type

where you can't really see for a minute or two 
                          and then your eyes readjust  break free or break through

                                 my right eye

                                     the better of the two 

  never did

i still have the same spot i did that day      i see it most when i try to sleep

three different grown men told me that if i followed an aspirin therapy regimen

              it would go away

  i did     it didn't

the last one  thought it might be a floater   i told him it doesn't move     
     not completely opaque but still   i can't see through

‘you're a young man’ he said ‘you'll heal just fine

             no need to worry   everything is all right'

during all this    i kept bumping in to your father     back in the back

the part of the office where serious things sigh    
                                          he was telling me jokes  with that gleam in his eye

         we kept saying goodbye and 
                                     i'll see you next tuesday   
                                                                 each and every time

but then

          we'd run into each other six minutes later and do it all again

                                      we shook hands   we were men  


 about a dozen times that day  

                         each awkward seeing the other   out of context

            even though the other good doctor   an eloquent speaker 
                                        and the last of the three grown men  
                   said i'd be fine    
                                      i am not

i have trouble in low light  with numbers on a page  

                       i have to look around a sentence to make sure i see

   the whole thing

       i read one yesterday

it was professional and dry

                and somewhere in the middle   bold letters ‘BRAIN MRI’

i just can’t figure what i’m hoping they’ll find

         you are the first person to ask for the story

the guys at work will talk about it if i bring it up   and my ex her was going through a lot of her own stuff     at the time    or     all the time

                    so nothing got done

who waited with me for the women to come out
                 feeling awkward 
      standing completely clothed waiting for my ex her     

  she looks like this

to walk naked from the building

it's the kind of situation

that doesn't really happen

     more than a few times

in your life  

 right

the extra room

that's what she looked like on my birthday   last year   late at night 
   
                in the initial query about my extra room

     you see

 once you open the mind it doesn't close all the way back

 so even if she's returned to doing whatever it is she does

         to please some of the others

she's got the idea that there's another way

  that's the first step

                                             like at first read

the bit about drinking up words    made me think about songs

                             for some reason knowing    takes away from it all

you have a good sense for description     use it  as a weapon

         give enough detail           leave  the rest   like a trail

            looking for a treatment that no one can offer

                           stop me cold      color me pale

            this is faster than i remember it being

       behind on the technology

truly sincerely

                 the you in me                    
                                                        ps  i'm already running out of closings