20 August 2011

i have more metacognitions
                   than i do actual ones
(in three parts)






there it is          someplace in between
what i want and what is expected of me
now     why do i wait so diligently?
for a crumb     from a table                        try to make it a meal

so time and time and time again
i want to leave those tears          my friend
and i want to feel it                 not pretend
making pressboard feelings out of sawdust sins

i think soon has a different meaning out east of the road
that runs through the state of the known and unknown
that eat up ideas like straight jellyroll
and here we are   outside         the boys in the boat

taking everything      too          seriously
without one single reason to fly or be free
and give pause to wonder if i’m just talking      to               me
here it comes      there it goes    
onetwothree onetwothree

from here to there and back again
i used to revel in the ones i call friend
used to be enough,    but now              it depends
and it hurts so much more than  i want to          admit



billy was right and he couldn’t have known
to him it was him  but    to    me        __________________  
so, i just put the dictionary back in the hole
because it matters so little when i lose         the control

and the time that has passed is such a little amount
i’m ashamed to admit that i even keep count
and won’t feel the same until i turn on the sound
that is distracting so many but            it’s          sticking        around

i am american      distinguishing embarrassed from shame
and i cling to the thought like i cling to your name
and i wish there was more      to the whole           of the thing
like wishes              could ever be    changes      again





there is
me
diligently
crumb
to make
a meal
my friend
pressboard feelings
the state of the known and the unknown
the boys in the boat

taking everything too seriously
  

free




talking
onetwothree

admit
billy
so
little

ashamedsoundname
the whole

of the thing

changes









to him it was him  but    to    me       there

to him it was him  but    to    me       is

to him it was him but to me           me

to him it was him  but    to    me       diligently

to him it was him  but    to    me      crumb

to him it was him  but    to    me      to make

to him it was him  but    to    me       a meal

to him it was him  but    to    me       my friend

to him it was him  but    to    me      pressboard feelings


to him it was him  but    to    me       the state of the known and the unknown


to him it was him  but    to    me       the boys in the boat

to him it was him  but    to    me      taking everything too seriously

to him it was him  but    to    me       free

to him it was him  but    to    me       onetwothree

to him it was him  but    to    me       admit

to him it was him  but    to    me       billy

to him it was him  but    to    me       little

to him it was him  but    to    me       ashamed

to him it was him  but    to    me       sound

to him it was him  but    to    me       there

to him it was him  but    to    me       name

to him it was him  but    to    me       the whole    of the thing

to him it was him but to me      changes










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