i don't have the courage yet

unraveling

one by one you said

                                and

i think i know what you meant

i’m trying not to unravel and wishoping that if i do   it would at least be for atypical reasons but that’s only because i wishope that i am atypical

sometimes i am

sometimes
                 i’m not

cold fights hot  the day the driveway gets paved black and i sneak into the apartment like it’s some kind of attack leaving the peppers in the car  in a sack   
                             by the railroad tracks

the community that is growing is not what i wanted to plant nor is it what i want to harvest so i will leave it for other gardeners

and wonder how productive it is to take that hard look at the ones you’ve collected  start to draw comparisons    to make generalizations  

                          no matter how accurate

about them and yourself  


and i wonder why she felt the need to tell us she left it all on the shelf 

                                                it didn’t help

         you started to use the word  love

a few months back

it took me by surprise

felt unattached

but genuine

        and heartfelt

i keep it in my pocket

in case i need the help

                    i haven’t  yet

the transitions have us on moving trains

      yours northeast

mine in a circle around the easternmost point of the midwest

      well  
          a half circle  or 

a fingernail moon

from the east towns

to the deep blue

that's not quite dark enough

to make me sweat

       but is fast becoming

the part of myself

that is the first thing others notice

       upon introductions

i heard jack mack say the words

              ‘buffalo friends’

the first time recoiled

     but now understand

and wonder what it takes

to simply give in and

   find both feet planted

        in something you can defend
but   

i don't have the courage yet