when shaky strangers tell me things

the stupid mustache was a test

but   was it for me

                or for them

reaction was preferred

the honest or the polite

   the careful tweeners

who took a long time

                               to stare

trying to figure out

how much they thought   i’d care

if they told   the truth

whatever that is

preksha laughed

 in that way

the one that says

  what are you doing

 then she said ‘what are you doing’

in the parking lot at bill’s new place

    still spent most of her time

staring

     at me

then i almost said the right thing

george said it was nice to meet me

even though i’ve been twice to his home

and heard his laugh

             big and fat

over the whole of his backyard

    

norman only saw a picture

until late on wednesday evening

before the day he was leaving

which was two days before i was leaving

and neither of us had packed a thing

at least most of my clothes

 were clean

when we met at the place we always met

and the meal was quick

we were done with it

but smiles

    were wide

and even if i couldn’t feel them

all the way inside

the girls still said ‘hi’

like they want you to

    stay

or to come back

 again

some other day

    the ponytail let loose a laugh

the ponytail always laughs

at me

      it seems

but that’s a large part

of himandme

     what i’m looking for

better best to

be ignored

jjb gave two thumbs up

for keeping it til chicago

            even though he couldn’t wouldn’t or shouldn’t  go

    his support was known

which was about as much as could be expected

 since some things changed

waters said it was cowboy-ish

            i said

you’re  cowboy-ish

                   she neglected to reply

but i sensed no conflict

jarral took it all in stride

she did that

 most of the time

  and if cool is a lion

that girl is a pride

we need to get her back

stateside

                        aight
        aight

her friend rj had the curly hair

but she pulled me straight

 by the ear

on hiphop night

in the old neighborhood

where the sweet keeley was last seen

at broken midnight

when the big man

sulked enough

to get it stolen

with housecat hiss

of touch and wah

          a liar’s bliss

he wallowed

in

        it

and this says nothing of

        maccallister

who waited til she knew

then let both barrels go

my dream is still that she’ll whisper

‘close the door

    and tell me secrets

that aren’t true

           anymore’

still   curious looks were

preferable to invisibility

which    if actual

would have been useful

but

in reality

only served to underscore

          the very fear i can’t ignore

that there’s no such thing as the hooker oak tree

         and happiness is just a dream

when shaky strangers tell me things

Drawing by Woody Guthrie

the words didn't look that heavy and even though they never die today i hope they will

the whole thing is divisible by one

        gloomy good looks   

                           blooming blonde

save   our    sun

         mind body and spirit

is that how you hear it 

 the dutiful daughters m 

                  counting backwards  

counting cowards 

                           caring

                                     for dementia parents

as the last of the good doctors says

         ‘here is where it’s good’

          she broke a promise  

           like the best ones should

         here is where the story ends 

                           the arc

                                    the conflict

a quick tale of how two or more

                           went to the store

and since bonsack machines made cigarettes cheap

                  well  cheap   enough to

get to the point

                  where you try to forget

         how to

clean up after the inklings

                                 but baby ain't the one
                                                  who's got the bends

        

‘he is not doing well’

                  there is plastic everywhere

                  norwords

and

                           in other worlds

   in the way

that women will begin

to clean up the place

before events are done

                           and

                           perhaps

                           because

                           he is

caught up and tangled in a

          different kind of alone

than the ones that are known

he mumbled 

                  a lot

‘i used to think that the ajc could

always count on me

           to be

the kind of

threatening

deafening

         insensitive to changes

in the weather

and the legislature

                           but

what hardness does the heart hold to’

a survey (in six-eight time) showed

                  that forty three percent

                  of your heart

                  is in your head

now that’s a lower figure than i’d expect

    lower than the results from previous years

because the mystery deepens

                                    as you age

         and just when you think you know everything

                     you realize

the thread already snapped

         when your head bent back

                  and you saw the sky

for the first      of many times

                                                and

                  somewhat surprisingly

         it was just a bunch of simple motherfuckers

standing around apologizing to one another

the ones who are still on their way

will have increased demands

       language drives practice

every four hours

                           as directed

by laziness   sloth

                           and lack of understanding

       these demands are so

                           demanding

the lido shuffle turns to

    a sloe gin jive

and one little will

                           to try  to survive

                           the cost 

                                             and the price

revelation had to be first hand

 can you believe that

a slang romance

                            a harmonic vignette

murder he says   

now that’s about as likely

as it would be

for patrick riedy to use an apostrophe

or to stand right up and make this decree

‘i wouldn't die for your sins

                  neither would i live for them’ 

ps called me 'hokey'

                           she has since called me worse

         but that's okay    it’s aight

we found out about her

just wait    everything's straight

think of the night as a fire

and the only thing you need to do

is make sure the flames get higher

                          before you             make your call   and re-supply

from the sunshine south  the hurricane house   filled with dewars and doubt  and a kangaroo couch   within or without   above and a bout     of pity plowed   through mirth   mouths     girls and gout    the kind of hurt we write about   that brings enough of a cloud

         to bring down a hearse a horse   or a house    

                  the words   didn't look that heavy  

and even though they never die

                  today    i hope they will    

                                   

your head is in your hands

         it used to be in mine

alice is taking so long

i say

come on alice

walk with me

but all she wants to do

is sleep

she found the road

two days ago

full of friends

but all

alone

alice is there but she’s gone

                alice                    just wants to go home

alice is taking

 so long

we need the freckles on the twenty third floor

once she’s gone

        she’s gone

no more asking for the straw

             the autopsy was brief and uninvolved  

all topics from the near wall

                     seemed a bit too tall

 to discuss    among those gathered close

         isolation breeds isolation

and only part of it is administration

         the talks are held up by greed and frustration

           and the gaps between differing ideas of what constitutes

                 repayment

the words find me

 i don’t look for them

       but i do know which ones to pick

   and which ones to leave lie   it takes little more than a lifetime to decide

       that yellow turned red    around eleven thirty   that night

she said she thought he died

       it made of fist of her insides

   now deprived of hope

and   home

     suddenly alone

the question comes

what’s the difference between comfortable and defensible

      my blood is thin

i spent most the month of july with a blanket ‘cross my knees

   while every other motherfucker was complaining about the heat

heat worth holding    

                                             trouble looks       interesting 

                   meant in both senses of the word 

                                    as if there are 

                                                      two

and two

                                                               alone

           let it ride   let it fly     i could use the shut-eye

                           i could use 
                                            the warmth

                 we need the freckles on the twenty third floor

The Company of Frans Banning Cocq and Willem van Ruytenburch  1642

by Rembrandt van Rijn  

the old fashioned way

an act of contrition

           atonement

wrist slitting   the old fashioned way

he got to watch the life

                           d r a i n away

it went slowly

      a blush red warm

this ultimate autonomy

     pressure from

the family

    eleven minutes

that will never come back

          not much to learn

the rest of the world is intact

who among you then has desire enough

                                                               to act