bangbangbang bangbangbang

   do you consider it

i think it’s your strength dear

this part

      in here

all the way

      up to tempo

   over the rhythm

he doesn’t really know

            how fast it’ll go

fear of rejection

      happy day

   of the

newest year

the arab league of autumn

      where courage sticks

    home is here

stop chasing other happys

      for people

stop

      bangbangbang

bangbangbang

the depression is not significant

watching the light die

 listening to dogs fight

just north   of the good side

                                 of those tracks

where the cops walk fast

                                                   when they pass

you can see the station from here

                     if that lightens your fear

       or straightens her hair

                    when the first snow comes

stir            son

don’t have enough to pay the rent

                but the depression is not         significant

           ask her man      she’ll tell you that

we’ll wait for it

         want to know you haven’t ignored it

     her eyes say something like   hypocrite

                                or    predator

              they don’t say editor

and they damn sure ain’t keeping score

you can count

      one to four

      add it up

if you must

             the birds are singing

so it’s time to go to sleep

take the crosses from your hands

            and lay them at my feet

everything that you borrowed

            every little bit i stole

if the fan makes wind

            then time’s been told

how to set fires with electric timers

how to set fires with electric timers

·      if a tree falls

·      eco terrorist movement

·      the fuck of it all

·      what can you do

·      what should you do

·      what will you do

·      we already lost

·      the bums lost

·      but i love the bums

·      the bums are the best

·      fuck all the rest

·      but

·      without the rest

·      who will run credit cards

·      and engineer hiking boots

·      who will love last

·      who will hide truth

·      which makes it so pretty

·      and rare to find

·      deep in the day

·      of dark the night

·      they count revolution

·      as too much for us

·      that we won’t get there

·      or go dust to dust

·      that comfort creed

·      creativity

·      is far too important

·      we’ll leave them with greed

·      and the power to makes us

·      all do the high step

·      from dawn to dawn

·      birth to death

·      and private rebellion

·      in apartments    in color

·      take out the fervent

·      need to discover

·      what really is best

·      for most things concerned

·      which lessons were missed

·      which ones got learned

·      the bell in my head

·      won’t stop going off

·      but decision fatigue

·      is slow now   and soft

·      and pretty girl’s smiles

·      are all i can dream of

·      even for a minute

·      a hurried look

·      and a hug

·      a worried look

·      and a shrug

·      to depart

·      no time to stop hearts

·      and no   it didn’t hurt

·      i trust you

·      the whole way

·      but that doesn’t mean

·      i can keep your schedule straight

·      you condescend

·      but waiting won’t matter

·      we’ll see in the end

·      watch small change ripple

·      like the sun over trees

·      learn the lessons of earth

·      in the lessons of need

·      take the time to decide

·      but then follow through

·      i would go it alone

·      were it not for you

hartcrane to heart

i wouldn’t say drowning 

but you know

my father said

i was tired 

he must have

known

                                                                                          still

it was

tired

not sad

or upset

tired

and

i

was

tired

and sad and upset

like water

is wet

like night

 is dark

like time

just starts

tearing

apart

tearing

the

part that’s

s t a r i n g

the start

hartcrane to heart

i can’t do anything with a box

requests are requirements

before retirement

they’re ready for you now

here it comes

second floor

what’s in the box

i can’t do anything with a box

what if i came to your house

to see what’s going on at home

          in the background

he didn’t say daddy loves you

             did he?

it’ll take a while

that’s for sure

i need to get all

the way to 118^th street by the night before

tuesday could do something

if i just got enough sleep

never said anything of

         the sort

dreams don’t talk

not in hotels

and if you’re flying

you’re dying

 somebody told me that

     no

i am not

         the one

i’ll wait in blue chairs

near curly hair

sugar bear

      nobody’s gonna care

they just stare

the door makes noises

so i know when you come in

late

everybody’s good at something

me?

i'm good at doing what i’m told

            and not looking old

i don't have the courage yet

unraveling

one by one you said

                                and

i think i know what you meant

i’m trying not to unravel and wishoping that if i do   it would at least be for atypical reasons but that’s only because i wishope that i am atypical

sometimes i am

sometimes
                 i’m not

cold fights hot  the day the driveway gets paved black and i sneak into the apartment like it’s some kind of attack leaving the peppers in the car  in a sack   
                             by the railroad tracks

the community that is growing is not what i wanted to plant nor is it what i want to harvest so i will leave it for other gardeners

and wonder how productive it is to take that hard look at the ones you’ve collected  start to draw comparisons    to make generalizations  

                          no matter how accurate

about them and yourself  


and i wonder why she felt the need to tell us she left it all on the shelf 

                                                it didn’t help

         you started to use the word  love

a few months back

it took me by surprise

felt unattached

but genuine

        and heartfelt

i keep it in my pocket

in case i need the help

                    i haven’t  yet

the transitions have us on moving trains

      yours northeast

mine in a circle around the easternmost point of the midwest

      well  
          a half circle  or 

a fingernail moon

from the east towns

to the deep blue

that's not quite dark enough

to make me sweat

       but is fast becoming

the part of myself

that is the first thing others notice

       upon introductions

i heard jack mack say the words

              ‘buffalo friends’

the first time recoiled

     but now understand

and wonder what it takes

to simply give in and

   find both feet planted

        in something you can defend
but   

i don't have the courage yet

stop looking for the noose

i know i was

younger then

and that’s still

the plan

for as long as

i can

the scuff marks

on his floor

tell stories

that aren’t quite true

anymore

when you lose

the ability

to stand

look straight

hold still

reach for my hand

this is easily worth a dollar

one night

just a little while ago

i sang to the wind alone

tried to push the

song

to falsetto

there are no deserts in the midwest

i’ll tell him myself

once and for all

the right thing

is seldom

the thing that is done

the blue sky turns black

take off your shoes
stop looking for the noose

now is not a time

and the deal’s gone wrong

did you call

i’m not drunk enough to sleep

it made an impression

the applicable rate

leave a message

who does that

anymore

keep going

don’t stop

let’s not argue about it

i’m trying to get you out

                                    take me home

                                                take me home

                                    take me home

we need the freckles on the twenty third floor

once she’s gone

        she’s gone

no more asking for the straw

             the autopsy was brief and uninvolved  

all topics from the near wall

                     seemed a bit too tall

 to discuss    among those gathered close

         isolation breeds isolation

and only part of it is administration

         the talks are held up by greed and frustration

           and the gaps between differing ideas of what constitutes

                 repayment

the words find me

 i don’t look for them

       but i do know which ones to pick

   and which ones to leave lie   it takes little more than a lifetime to decide

       that yellow turned red    around eleven thirty   that night

she said she thought he died

       it made of fist of her insides

   now deprived of hope

and   home

     suddenly alone

the question comes

what’s the difference between comfortable and defensible

      my blood is thin

i spent most the month of july with a blanket ‘cross my knees

   while every other motherfucker was complaining about the heat

heat worth holding    

                                             trouble looks       interesting 

                   meant in both senses of the word 

                                    as if there are 

                                                      two

and two

                                                               alone

           let it ride   let it fly     i could use the shut-eye

                           i could use 
                                            the warmth

                 we need the freckles on the twenty third floor

The Company of Frans Banning Cocq and Willem van Ruytenburch  1642

by Rembrandt van Rijn  

how soon is never?

                                             how soon is never?

                  three hundred and fifty one days a year

                                             it's seventeen miles to buffalo

 bullet shot in d major

              the spinning sky

scared of the future

                  sick of the past

a ten twenty-two

          from me

to you

                lalomia

mixing wine and palestine

the misinformed leading the under-informed

                                             leading the oblivious

  the sun is rising     but not for you

you re-retreat to the greens and blues

            of the southern tier    where bad news

has trouble getting through

your whole life is an emergency

       maybe this is one of the whys

       and  the only thing you ever draw   is eyes

or good stick figures ready to fight

   the full passion of lantern light

                  but that’s what walls are for

                                  someone else    born to ignore

we slept in the same bed

                  just not at the same time

precious crime scene

        not especially clean     or mean

every piece stuck in between

         her    she stood right here

cried styrofoam tears

           for the poison that is years

the undeniable veneer

you see

it comes down to which criminals  we feel most comfortable with

the ones with the sneer or the ones with the lisp

          like the hem around a hanging tree

singing hymns    of suffering


 the legend can only grow if you are big enough to handle it

when i get tired i drop things

my keys

       my watch

        the ball

names of the almost famous

                  who forgot to tip

                     didn't know how  

                                         or why  

  i met him the one time

     but somewhere in the telling

it has turned into a lie

             because nobody smiled

 Photo by Patrick Riedy