the simpler life

lucy cured lonelieness

         in the sand

        with a branch

she had to

what’s changed

age

      forgiveness

that virtuous luxury

honor

is an only child

it’s foolish

              but fine

         and

looks mean everything

         the simpler life

cotton wool

      cement

eitzel

      recompense

a sacred charge

from the lord

      a binding contract

where

      half is never half

unless

         it has to be

                                                                                             

sounds like laughing

                                                                 from a distance

we didn’t get along when she was alive

but things are different

                        when you die

i know what a woman at the top of a staircase means

      toeing worn wood

staring at saving grace

      the last line

the seized ships

      ruby      red      lips

pretty girls play the clarinet

she was someone that i used to know

a smile so familiar

seen a hundred times

the nervous laugh was gone though

and

she was old enough to

look like another someone that i knew

the flutist

from alden

with freckles

with child

it took a minute to click we stared

not a lovers stare

not a strangers stare

there was something in there

something in between

kind

but lean

and it was difficult to say who got there first

i think it was me

she thinks it was her

                          still

she may be the exception

to the townes rule

that yellow headed women

bring nothing but pain

if i have to explain

if you think that thin air

brings fame

you might have not been listening

                                                                but

she never caused me any pain

all she ever did

was be the refrain

and i did things

to see the smile 
      time and again

it was a crush

i’m sure

deft          and           demure

she liked to show me to her sister

who never understood

but once got the laugh meant for smiley

meant for good

and that day cemented

what could never be heard

because the light eyes

and the real smiles

didn’t need the words

the depression is not significant

watching the light die

 listening to dogs fight

just north   of the good side

                                 of those tracks

where the cops walk fast

                                                   when they pass

you can see the station from here

                     if that lightens your fear

       or straightens her hair

                    when the first snow comes

stir            son

don’t have enough to pay the rent

                but the depression is not         significant

           ask her man      she’ll tell you that

we’ll wait for it

         want to know you haven’t ignored it

     her eyes say something like   hypocrite

                                or    predator

              they don’t say editor

and they damn sure ain’t keeping score

you can count

      one to four

      add it up

if you must

             the birds are singing

so it’s time to go to sleep

take the crosses from your hands

            and lay them at my feet

everything that you borrowed

            every little bit i stole

if the fan makes wind

            then time’s been told

i don't have the courage yet

unraveling

one by one you said

                                and

i think i know what you meant

i’m trying not to unravel and wishoping that if i do   it would at least be for atypical reasons but that’s only because i wishope that i am atypical

sometimes i am

sometimes
                 i’m not

cold fights hot  the day the driveway gets paved black and i sneak into the apartment like it’s some kind of attack leaving the peppers in the car  in a sack   
                             by the railroad tracks

the community that is growing is not what i wanted to plant nor is it what i want to harvest so i will leave it for other gardeners

and wonder how productive it is to take that hard look at the ones you’ve collected  start to draw comparisons    to make generalizations  

                          no matter how accurate

about them and yourself  


and i wonder why she felt the need to tell us she left it all on the shelf 

                                                it didn’t help

         you started to use the word  love

a few months back

it took me by surprise

felt unattached

but genuine

        and heartfelt

i keep it in my pocket

in case i need the help

                    i haven’t  yet

the transitions have us on moving trains

      yours northeast

mine in a circle around the easternmost point of the midwest

      well  
          a half circle  or 

a fingernail moon

from the east towns

to the deep blue

that's not quite dark enough

to make me sweat

       but is fast becoming

the part of myself

that is the first thing others notice

       upon introductions

i heard jack mack say the words

              ‘buffalo friends’

the first time recoiled

     but now understand

and wonder what it takes

to simply give in and

   find both feet planted

        in something you can defend
but   

i don't have the courage yet

when lonely got me thinking i'd do anything to be without it

same story on the delay

        some things just take time

i'm happy you'll doctor up

               you can hear the dynamics

things are worse off than i thought back with since

      working know how to relate to    life's rich pageant

the twenty four will be difficult for a sentimentalist such as myself

good grades relish the role as curve destroyer

i am not ready to leave buffalo  

                  but the off chance you and bryan

considering talk and the south

excellent viewpoint both

    thoughtful   and reflective

add experience

  understand addiction

              be invaluable

in what is certain

            an expanding galaxy 

  isn’t easy to do

killing in singapore loan debt

      and maybe more

to get out from under the things they unfurl

the decidedly unreligious make it easy

       to forget the fervor that those beliefs can stir

             in zealots 

in conversation about networking with a fellow

    felt good until he muttered

‘all that work is well and good but it'll get you nowhere

unless you're with the network i'm with 

                     G*O*D

is the only thing i'll ever need

                to get exactly what i want’

but what if what i want

                             is fleeting
and there are so many competing
                    all i really feel like doing    is eating

                be there in about twelve minutes

stunned to silence 

                    and suddenly hungry

but what actually happened was that tipping point you see in people when they ask you to explain something   then realize it is more complicated than they’d like it to be and you see the words approaching their metaphoric ‘fill’ line  the eyes glaze forward with laziness  sloth and what spits out is derision for understanding anything that can’t be abbreviated

if it's difficult

      you quit

that’s the long and the short of it   then    
                                      you get something to eat

maybe we did that too           we don't recall  the how long of it all

                           singer has been taken advantage of  or   
                     maybe   she just called her own shot

                                                        i just hope she survives it

as i survived the cult of domesticity

              upon my move across the country’s height 
                                                                           not its width

when lonely got me thinking i'd do anything to be without it

Brion Gysin

thoughts made entirely of anxiety and propriety

           your pale shoulder calls

through soft blonde hair

           and being over prepared       to go

                                             anywhere

your ‘bombed’ is all that i really need

to keep my journey going

         to keep the wheels from slowing

so the terrorist doesn’t win

         again

 it must be in the soft blonde hair

the thoughts made                  entirely

     of        anxiety

and            propriety

thoughts of

                why

   what did he mean

thoughts more often grey than green

thoughts of inertia

                thoughts of the east

           thoughts of what kind of  help     you can be

2:48 a.m. hiroshima bound

the drone doesn’t know

same as it ever was

          truth is    it never was

                  jumped jim crow just to have it known

     that you wouldn’t let it go

       it’s best for both of us

                         you know why

      don’t look at my eyes

                              you might have to decide  

that brown isn’t as blue as black is white

                         that couldshe wouldshe shouldshe might   

this room felt a lot of tears

       in those  pre dawn years

                where phone calls and whiskey

                                 would have you believe that 

                                                four green lights make a green sea

     

that who you were talking to 

                         was       listening

                              man   we don’t understand anything

                     no   let me think for a minute

wai-wait 

                                                                      no

  

                                                                that’s just p l a i n bullshit

                                                            

 it’s not anything  

          that we want to understand

              it’s everything

evv err eee thing

are you listening

                            has the port 

                                     in the storm 

                            become 

                                       only   the kissing

                                                              the missing      the wishing    

listing    insisting

    that surreptitious be swallowed    

                            not watched or  written

2:48 a.m.

hiroshima bound

andersen robeson bezeljak and blood

i never said it isn’t but     why    are you whispering

i wish you wouldn’t do that      you’re not fooling me

                           ice in the water   cold on the shoulder 

                                    all the pretending is making us older

         just want her to stop talking just stop talking 

                                                             stoptalking

what’s your name    my name is bill

                           dead woman body pretty

                                             a bruise from the windy city

amazing  

who was that       

tip tip tip tip

tiptap   

come back when you’re angry    

                                    when you’re hungry   

                    when the green and gold turn whittier cold

and you  said

‘it’s true’

you said it

you knew

the trial   in paperback

serious 

 like storm clouds

black plastic buttons  filling drain spouts

the motion devotion of eyes fixed on mouths     

a whirlwind rhythm of

time running out

that explosion   when you were six

the long and the short         it made me sick

  

                            those are the facts

and they are satisfactory

all that was asked of me   fresh   from the factory

when open was nothing

                                  we drove through the night

     terribly slow

                             turned  confided

                                   

                                                  what color isn’t natural color 

                                                                sunset 

                                     sudro is back

 waited with her

feigned  attack at

cigarettes     beers

                           bruises on knees

  the muses in ears

                                    made sure you said ‘please’ 

and ‘thank you’

                                                         to stutterers

 afraid of the phone

deeply in love with being alone

laura

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is nighttime.

Laura is online.

Laura is helpline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is redwine.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is grapevine.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is single.

There has been 

a grievous error.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is on time.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura like cookie.

Laura voted Obama.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura voted Obama.

Laura is lunchtime.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is a lesbian.

Laura is offline.

Laura will opine.

She broke up on

a Thursday.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Friendly confines.

Laura is online.

Laura makes time.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

The tattoo said.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is online.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

Laura is offline.

North Wall.

Pastime.

Laura is online.

i have more metacognitions than i do actual ones (in three parts)

there it is          someplace in between

what i want and what is expected of me

now     why do i wait so diligently?

for a crumb     from a table                        try to make it a meal

so time and time and time again

i want to leave those tears          my friend

and i want to feel it                 not pretend

making pressboard feelings out of sawdust sins

i think soon has a different meaning out east of the road

that runs through the state of the known and unknown

that eat up ideas like straight jellyroll

and here we are   outside         the boys in the boat

taking everything      too          seriously

without one single reason to fly or be free

and give pause to wonder if i’m just talking      to               me

here it comes      there it goes    

onetwothree onetwothree

from here to there and back again

i used to revel in the ones i call friend

used to be enough,    but now              it depends

and it hurts so much more than  i want to          admit

billy was right and he couldn’t have known

to him it was him  but    to    me        __________________  

so, i just put the dictionary back in the hole

because it matters so little when i lose         the control

and the time that has passed is such a little amount

i’m ashamed to admit that i even keep count

and won’t feel the same until i turn on the sound

that is distracting so many but            it’s          sticking        around

i am american      distinguishing embarrassed from shame

and i cling to the thought like i cling to your name

and i wish there was more      to the whole           of the thing

like wishes              could ever be    changes      again

there is

me

diligently

crumb

to make

a meal

my friend

pressboard feelings

the state of the known and the unknown

the boys in the boat

taking everything too seriously

  

free

talking

onetwothree

admit

billy

so

little

ashamedsoundname

the whole

of the thing

changes

to him it was him  but    to    me       there

to him it was him  but    to    me       is

to him it was him but to me           me

to him it was him  but    to    me       diligently

to him it was him  but    to    me      crumb

to him it was him  but    to    me      to make

to him it was him  but    to    me       a meal

to him it was him  but    to    me       my friend

to him it was him  but    to    me      pressboard feelings

to him it was him  but    to    me       the state of the known and the unknown

to him it was him  but    to    me       the boys in the boat

to him it was him  but    to    me      taking everything too seriously

to him it was him  but    to    me       free

to him it was him  but    to    me       onetwothree

to him it was him  but    to    me       admit

to him it was him  but    to    me       billy

to him it was him  but    to    me       little

to him it was him  but    to    me       ashamed

to him it was him  but    to    me       sound

to him it was him  but    to    me       there

to him it was him  but    to    me       name

to him it was him  but    to    me       the whole    of the thing

to him it was him but to me      changes